I wash my hands twice in the bathroom—once before I touch my penis, and once again after I rinse off my hands in the toilet before I flush.

“I like cup holders—in cars, as well as in jockstraps.”

“Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. No…”

“If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing…”

“I don’t know where you’re going, or even why you’re going, but I sure am glad t…”