I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me.

“There are many ways to kill someone. I prefer laughter, and doing it slowly, ov…”

“I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100.”

“My 30th birthday happened once too often to remember fondly. I spilled all my l…”

“If you see me sitting at a dining room table with a clean plate and bowl in fro…”