I wish I could sculpt my shadow into my night clone, and it could be out earning me money while I slept, instead of being folded up neatly in my underwear drawer like it is now.


“Question for your life: If Ted Kennedy made it to heaven, do you think he’s ple…”

“On cloudy days I just want to raise my arm up, stand on my toes, and screw a li…”

“I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few ext…”

“I don’t need to actually make my product safer. All I need to do to make it saf…”