I wish somebody would have told my grandpa about the Cold War, so he could have at least put on a jacket.

“Borrowing from Pythagoras, I’ve worked out the equation to a love triangle: A2 …”

“I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in …”

“The average time for lightning to strike and thunder to hit is how long I love.…”

“Courage is a vitamin best swallowed with whiskey.”