I would have made you a cheesecake, but I don’t know how. And I would have bought you a cheesecake, but I have no job and no money. So please accept this stack of coupons instead.

“If I say “No decision has been made,” it’s a lie—because I have decided to rema…”

“I can’t offer you anything to drink, but I can offer you an excuse. Would you l…”

“For my books, I do everything short of writing my own reviews. Those I do tall.”

“Governments are nothing more than elaborate Rube Goldberg apparatuses, operatin…”