I wrote half this book (the left half) while I was asleep, and I wrote the other half (the top half) while daydreaming. So here we have a case where two halves equal one quarter, which is about what this book is worth—give or take 25 cents.

“My name is a half an hour early, but my body is on time.”

“Of all the flowers from a rose to a carnation, I’d die for reincarnation.”

“I am the alligator of love. But I’d make better boots than a lover.”

“I traded in my car with no gas in the tank and my new car came with a full tank…”