I’d kill for any one of my friends. Thankfully for the overpopulated prison system, I don’t have any friends.

“There’s nobody worth talking about, so let’s not talk about it. Only let’s do i…”

“I need to hire a babysitter for Friday night. I also need to buy myself some ad…”

“I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is …”

“If I had an orange penis, and an erection, I might take offense at carrot eater…”