I’d rather be assassinated. It’s not like I’m doing anything this evening. Inevitably there’ll be a parade, so just remember your umbrella.

“I was forced to eat crow. I was so embarrassed that I would have eaten any othe…”

“Chivalry, stimulating conversations, everything is said to be a lost art nowada…”

“My TV’s remote control didn’t have a source of energy, so I poured coffee in it…”

“A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up you…”