I’d rather be snorkeling in the sea of love. But instead I’m stuck here, in a fully paid, all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean.

“I am the melted cheese of desire. Please, feel free to double dip.”

“The birds fly south for the winter not because it’s cold, but because they have…”

“My armpits are not only rank, but they’re ranked number one in customer satisfa…”

“I have a protective coating, like a tank. It’s called Love. And when I get you …”