If a man was choking, what would I do? Well, I’d remove my penis from his throat.

“Life is short. But so are midgets.”

“I could do more pull-ups with a midget on my back, than a midget could do with …”

“If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing…”

“My nostrils smell, but not to you. Oh, they have no odor, unless you count the …”