If an ambulance gets in a wreck, who drives them to the hospital? Why doesn’t the hospital drive to them? I volunteer to drive, and the volume of speeding tickets I have shows I'm qualified to get there in a rush.

“Pulling your head out of your ass is better than pulling your head out of a law…”

“In the morning I brush my teeth with hope, and at night before bed I brush them…”

“Mounting anything on a plaque instantly transforms it from trash into an award.…”

“I’m at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. I’m standing on the board…”