If footballs were the size of acorns, they’d be easy to lose in the forest. Virginity is also easy to lose in the forest, and mine, believe it or not, was shaped like an acorn.

“I wrote my name on the list 10 years ago, and under the date I wrote “In the fu…”

“-I’m looking for a man—
-There are several suspects in Topeka, Ks. that match t…”

“He said that he said it—a second he, not a man named He. And not He-Man either.”

“The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep shooting up.”