If green carpet grew on trees instead of leaves, I’d pick off a few cats—with my rifle.

“Sometimes when I read before bed I get so tired that my eyes gloss over the sen…”

“I like to spoon after I fork.”

“I asked if I could draw on her face, because not only was her head globe-shaped…”

“I’m training for my wedding, because I’m going to be running down the aisle—in …”