If I ever meet Michael Phelps, I’m going to tell him that I am that Michael Phelps of random thoughts. Then I’ll challenge him to a game of pool.

“Being in the womb was like taking a nine-month bath. I wanted to take a shower,…”

“Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff.”

“I don’t want to do anything I have to do, even if I want to do it. Compulsion t…”

“A brick could be a politician, if you attached strings, taught it to dance, and…”