If I shake your hand, and then jack off, it’s as if you gave me an indirect handjob.


“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed pota…”

“I was laughing in the park, when I saw some fool throwing what I thought was a …”

“The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t aro…”

“I wear J. Crew. But only when I go out rowing.”