If I wanted to eat leftovers, I wouldn’t have taken a dump in the Tupperware.

“Republicans don’t stand for the beliefs of the right, and Democrats don’t stand…”

“I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.”

“A blanket could be used to trap my love in, before it dissipates out into the w…”

“The legend of Sam, the homosexual hermaphrodite.
(The impossibility is half pos…”