If I were a lawyer, I’d only date women named Sue.

“Music has the power to shake society, especially if the bass is turned way up.”

“Hair grows out of moles, and for this reason I wish I had a row of moles above …”

“I make love like I make lasagna: with extra meat.”

“If I say “No decision has been made,” it’s a lie—because I have decided to rema…”