If I were a magician, I’d hand out broken compasses. It’s all about misdirection.


“I want a beard as white as snow, and two feet deep.”

“I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so …”

“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though,…”

“I keep my love in the fridge, next to my meat, because you simply can’t beat it.”