If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping.

“I would have sex in the backseat of my car, but from back there, how would I be…”

“I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer,…”

“I run through all the positive character qualities in my mind, and assign mysel…”

“A blanket could be used to fix your broken marriage. You’ll also need duct tape…”