If love felt like furry sandpaper, would you ever be able to leave my nipples alone? This handyman has a hands-off policy, like a two-time medieval thief.

“A blanket could be used to foil slave traders. But so could tinfoil and leftove…”

“My job is so boring I’m thinking of boring a second hole into my penis.”

“I want to be a part of your world. Or, if that’s too much to ask, I’d accept be…”

“His last name was Chew, and I didn’t care if he was Asian, I still screamed, “N…”