If love were a faucet, I’d not only continue, but I’d increase the frequency with which I wash my penis in the sink.

“The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting.”

“I think it’s OK to rape as many people as possible, and that’s precisely why I’…”

“I got my windshield replaced for no apparent reason. So now I have a new windsh…”

“I look for patterns that nobody else does. Like I noticed that my face looks li…”