If my last name were Drinkfood, I’d pour you a hot cup of spaghetti. And if my last name were Eatdrink, I’d be more romantic and pour you some wine, and let you sip it out of the spoon.

“My hair isn’t turning gray, but it is losing its flavor. It used to taste like …”

“If my chest grew cat hair, I wouldn’t know whether to pluck it or pet it.”

“I’m not in manufacturing, but I make something. I make a difference. But to be …”

“My ex was the shape of a planet, and when she wore a belt, that planet was Satu…”