If my nipples lactated mustard, I’d wear a bra made out of two hamburger buns.

“I am the kangaroo of love. Do you question it? You can take your skepticism and…”

“No bears were molested in the making of this book. Well, no live bears.”

“I have just been elected Captain of the Nap Squad. It's a very exhausting posit…”

“I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the ma…”