If science took my IQ and spread it evenly among the world's population, like mental mayonnaise, we'd have more art, less war, and higher cholesterol.

“Let’s say you’re a politician. You’re still you, but you are an elected officia…”

“I could put the journal in journalist, but I’d rather supply my diary.”

“I've decided to donate my arsenal of machine guns to a hunting charity. That sh…”

“My window of opportunity had blinds in it. Helen Keller and friends were standi…”