If trees had love, instead of leaves, I’d gladly rake you into a pile on my lawn and fall into you.

“The office is painted with green and red stripes. It’s not painted that way so …”

“Laying on top of me is better than laying on a bed, because a bed doesn’t give …”

“Social progress: for the same price as last year, I get a slimmer candy bar, le…”

“Death is like bedtime—we all want to put it off until tomorrow. But when you’re…”