If you were to ask me if I have ever loved a woman, I'd probably reply, "Two gallons of milk and a midget.

“I’m sexually attracted to statues made out of decomposing food. Is it normal to…”

“The doors magically opened without the assistance of modern electronic devices.…”

“What I like most about reading is I can read in minutes what it took the author…”

“I say we cut our government in half, with a chainsaw along their waists.”