If your toaster isn’t working, stick your sword in the bread slot, and see if that doesn’t improve its behavior.

“Friends are like orgasms: you can never have too many, but just try to watch ou…”

“Red calls out to the rose, but I’m the only one who’s listening.”

“I’m older now than my dad was when he was my age. Wait, that’s not right. That’…”

“I don’t have a blue-collar job. It’s more of a green collar, because of all the…”