If you’re thinking about killing someone, don’t. Not don’t kill them, but don’t think about it—just do it already.

“A blanket could be used to express my feelings towards her. You see, I’m not ti…”

“Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. No…”

“A drunk can't follow a line of reasoning, even if it is a double white line.”

“I found the skeleton of a caveman a few years back. Miraculously, it had skin a…”