I’ll never be as old as someone older than me, but I can be older than them if I outlive their lifespan.

“My trash can got stolen five times. Finally the owner just let me have it.
”

“She’s the kind of woman where if you give her an inch, she’ll take the whole pe…”

“My wife must be stupid. I mean, look, she married me, didn’t she?”

“Most people like winners, but I prefer underdogs. They’re more fun to pet.”