I’ll wear a fork on my head, and if anybody wants a job, they can eat salad off my scalp.

“The cool thing about unemployment is every day is Saturday.”

“A blanket could be used to express my feelings towards her. You see, I’m not ti…”

“If yes is the new no, no is the new maybe, and maybe is the new yes, then my an…”

“What is life without death? That's like asking what is peanut butter without je…”