I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.

“A blanket could be used as a stool softener. Or it could also be used to soften…”

“If there are #coffee stains on my @Harvard application, it’s because I was up a…”

“This is my logo for Mike”

“I’ll give you a glass of wine, if you give me a few drops of water from your ey…”