I’m going to name my firstborn son 0123456789, because I want him to learn to count before he learns the alphabet. And my second son I’ll call 01, because I want him to get into computers at a young age.

“In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love ho…”

“My name is Sam (my name is Am), and I am my own fan. I’m a clone of Jarod Kintz…”

“Chop off my erection. That way you don’t have to go battery-operated penis shop…”

“I worked for one day, and left with two days in my back pocket. I couldn’t stuf…”