I’m not getting fat and lazy. I’ve always been lazy. C’mon, I’m American!

“I'm allergic to fingers, so I have to eat pizza with my feet. You should see me…”

“A blanket could be used to what the hell your way out of your neighbor’s bedroo…”

“The door of love is squeaky. Would you mind oiling it on your way out?”

“Blankets are covers, covering the sins of my fathers. 
”