I’m older now, which I can’t help, but I’m also fatter, thanks to all the extra helpings.

“I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name wo…”

“Signs offer a way to speak, yet keep the room perfectly silent.”

“To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: F…”

“What do I do for fun? Well, I’d love to get into the bank robbing business, but…”