I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.

“A brick could be used in the same manner as a magician’s hat could be used as a…”

“A brick could be cast in Samuel Jackson roles. It would be cheaper and more dra…”

“Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank …”

“Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving…”