I’m the most expensive person in my life. Every day I pay for the poor decisions of my past.

“I meant to spend the day writing, but instead I spent the afternoon cleaning ou…”

“I made out like a bandit. Not that I’ve ever made out with a bandit.”

“I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out …”

“Leave your village, and conquer yourself before you conquer the world. That’s w…”