I’m trying to cover all my bases so I can be a complete baseball nonplayer. I’ve already not bought a bat, a glove, and a bed to sleep on.

“I don’t eat Sloppy Joes. I eat Tidy Josephs.”

“If my last name were Marriagenowsky, and I met another girl with that name, gue…”

“For most Americans, money and calories are always on their minds, although they…”

“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aq…”