I’m trying to liquidate my assets. Somebody get me a straw.

“Not only am I not my dad’s favorite child—I’m his only child.”

“A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.”

“I can taste one sugar crystal, just like I can feel one Cupid (the metric unit …”

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.”