I’m unemployed, so I’m seeking a handjob.

“On a unicycle, my tire will tire before I do. I ride for charity. I’m trying to…”

“A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment.
”

“Life seems so am/pm. But really it’s not as balanced as all that.”

“I walk like a shriveled hippopotamus, I jog like a giraffe with charcoal knees,…”