I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it.

“Most people wear mind blindfolds. I think that’s stupid. I wear blindfolds over…”

“If I converted an old bubble gum machine into a Love Dispenser, and charged a q…”

“My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, s…”

“I’m not getting fat and lazy. I’ve always been lazy. C’mon, I’m American!”