In a good economy, people work hard to succeed. In a bad economy, people work hard to not fail.

“I need a Caution: Slippery When Wet sign, because I just spilled my ego all ove…”

“A blanket could be used to fix your broken marriage. You’ll also need duct tape…”

“A banana is not a pistol. Still, please don’t point one at me.”

“I own a few yawns that I rent out to people who are tired of the sleazy snooze …”