It’s hard to find friends I can trust. Most end up either getting shot, stabbed, or I have to tie them up and toss them overboard in the Atlantic Ocean.

“My blender has a more powerful engine than my car, but my car doesn’t make smoo…”

“Making money for my clones, now that’s what I call self-enrichment. Having all …”

“And the next morning, after a night of passionate sex, I said those three littl…”

“When you buy a gun, every problem starts to look like a nail.”