I’ve decided to cut back on my sugar intake by applying it externally, as a dermal abrasion.

“A brick could be sawed in half and each half glued under the back of a shoe to …”

“A shirt is a dress, if you have short enough legs.”

“Your words are energy. If you don’t speak them, then you will drink them. Swall…”

“I didn’t have enough money to tip the waitress, so I offered to take her out on…”