I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.

“Strawberries are so red they make me feel 33% patriotic.”

“Every mission needs ammunition, even if it’s not bullets, but fiery pep talks.”

“The longest I have ever gone without sex is sixteen years. But to my credit, el…”

“A job is like a politician struggling in the water. Be sure you hold it down.”