Just because I wear a size 14 shoe does not mean I’ll take it off when I go to shake your hand.

“-Hey, neighbor, is your wife free for a date today?
-No, I’m taking her out thi…”

“Mr. Shit gives politicians a good name. It’s the rest of the politicians who gi…”

“I serve the people. Am I a politician? No, I’m just a greedy and corrupt waiter.”

“If you’re wrestling someone underwater, don’t try to choke them, because it’s r…”