Killing a bird is a murder most fowl. Trying to play doctor with a duck makes you a quack.

“I gave her a Boston cream pie, even though we were in Seattle at the time.”

“I want to be a standup economist, because isn’t money funny? Actually, without …”

“I want to name one of my kids “I’ll-Have-A-Large-Cheeseburger.” That way, when …”

“I’m sad that I’m leaving, but I’m happy that I’m going. The thing is, I am in l…”