Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly.

“The birds fly south for the winter not because it’s cold, but because they have…”

“I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your ba…”

“I have a secret knock. It’s so secret that I never use it, lest you hear my knu…”

“I like cup holders—in cars, as well as in jockstraps.”