Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard.

“Order for Jarod,” she said as I walked over to pick it up. This was it, this wa…”

“I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked …”

“It’s easier to hide your smoking habit on a foggy day. Let that be a lesson for…”

“We had a blast at my magical birthday party. There were midgets, fairies, glass…”