Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff.

“I am the chef of love. Let me utilize your oven.”

“Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs the…”

“I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name wo…”

“I only need to write about 3,000 one-liners a day to produce a million jokes a …”