Male or female, if my name were either Don or Dawn, I’d be up at sunrise to celebrate the glory that is me.

“I want to publish a book on toilet paper—not only about toilet paper, but actua…”

“Ben Bernanke is like an economist on a misty morning, because he hasn’t the fog…”

“It’s not fun to pet cats when you’ve already poured gravy on them, and you’re h…”

“I’m the most expensive person in my life. Every day I pay for the poor decision…”